ËYou have to die each moment for yourselfË
Many years ago, I had come across this quote and instantly wrote it on my arm with the first pen I’ve found next to me. It hit me so strong that I didn’t want to let it slip out of my mind. Just recently, I reread it in the book called ËFreedom from the knownË written by Krishnamurti. I wrote it again as a reminder. It has been my mantra for some time now.
You are probably wondering what does dying to have to do with changing careers. Quite a lot if you ask me. In this text, I will try to bring closer this connection because it depicts my transformational journey from law to freelance writing and teaching yoga.
Straight to university
In many European countries, it is common to take a gap year after finishing high school. This gives you some time to think about what you really want to do in life. However, in Croatia, the moment we finish high school, it is pretty much expected to go straight to the university. So, I ended up applying to law school. “Why law?” you might ask. Mostly because I loved studying and had good grades in virtually everything. Consequently, it was quite easy for me to get into the University of Law.
Although initially, I studied with joy, soon, the inner voice became louder, saying this is not the career I see myself in. My heart does not skip a beat when I think about law offices, courts, lawsuits and countless hours skimming through papers and verdicts trying to win my argument. Moreover, I never resonated with the people studying law.
Then one day, I realized if I can’t spend a single day with law students talking about all-things-law, this is obviously not the place for me. These people will be my colleagues, and these topics will occupy my mind every single day. This was when the inner voice became a clear knowing – I will finish what I have started, but I will not work in law.
The death of my old self
Fast forward a couple of years, I graduated from law school. While all the people around me talked about graduation day and possible internships, the first thing I did was buying a flight ticket to India. I wanted to get a yoga teacher certificate and celebrate this personal victory in my own way.
Somewhere between Goan jungles, mesmerizing Himachal Pradesh and hectic Punjab, my mind, heart and soul expanded irreversibly. What really happened in India was the beginning of the death of my old self – old ways, ideas and social expectations that I thought were my own.
After returning from India, I felt I wasn’t finished with exploring. I went on a trip through Europe. My starting point was the Netherlands, and Spain my final destination, where I spend three unforgettable months. The Spanish culture, language and people enchanted me so much that I even saw myself living there. During this time, the urge to start working became strong, and I knew I needed to do something quickly. I began brainstorming about what type of jobs I could find in Spain, and teaching yoga was the most obvious option. Unfortunately, my Spanish wasn’t yet good enough to teach a class. I was aware that I needed more time to make this plan work. But, truth be told, I was impatient.
At that moment, I felt I had some unfinished inner work regarding the law. Although I was aware that I am done with it, my mind started to fill with thoughts: “But what if you like it?”. The insecurities followed: “Can you even do it?”, “Maybe you are just afraid that you won’t be good enough, so you don’t want to even try…”.
Obviously, the “old” self was still here and needed proof that I am capable enough to do such a “complex law job”. That old self still lived in the corners of my being and, funny enough, led me to a law office. The first day as a law intern, I got the same answer once again. However, I stayed there for a couple of months to find an inner resolution and deep peace with my decision.
Humble beginnings
It is beautiful how life always brings us on the right way, even when we feel we are far away from where we are supposed to be. While working in the office, I started to do some small writing through an online freelance platform. The earning was extremely small, and I couldn’t even perceive that I could sustain myself from freelancing. I just knew I enjoy writing and want to keep going, regardless of the earnings.
In the meantime, I finally freed myself from certain blockages and started to teach yoga in my hometown. While teaching, I truly felt I am “home”. Having my small group of yogis to whom I could bring a bit more peace into their everyday life felt like I am the luckiest person in the world. It was so apparent that the Universe is giving me clear signs that I am on the right way.
Inner approval
Slowly, the moment to quit my office job arrived. I wrote a letter to my boss explaining in a simple way that I have to follow my heart’s calling even though the road ahead is unknown to me. My heart finally skipped a beat after a long time. Although I was externally free all the while, I was finally free from my fears, “what-ifs,” and insecurities. I got inner approval to do what calls me. This is when my old self actually died.
Simultaneously, the writing projects expanded. I got more clients reaching out to me, and I started to write more and more. It was as if the Universe awarded each courageous step towards my true purpose.
Work in progress
At the moment, my freelance writing and teaching yoga is a work in progress. I am still paving my way, but the process is utterly fulfilling, and I enjoy every single step of the way. I am curious and excited to see where this journey will take me.
Looking back on my life, I realize that the most important thing I had to do to come to this point is to let go of limiting beliefs. Thinking that the life of freedom and true fulfillment is made for someone else is a self-sabotaging mindset that doesn’t serve anyone. There is no such thing as impossibility if we put enough effort and dedication into what we wish to achieve.
Dying each moment for yourself for me meant burning what no longer served me and creating space for the things that keep my vibration high. It was a scary step into the unknown but so worthwhile.
If you happen to recognize yourself in this text, I want you to have one thing on your mind – the journey is worth it. Simply follow your heart, let go of the fear and trust the process even when the road is not yet clear. Whether you know it or not, the Universe has your back.
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